he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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