WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
