i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
