Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
