whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
