Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
