i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
