I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
