Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
