so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
