I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
