Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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