I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.