last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
