My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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