I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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