don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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