My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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