Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
