i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
