return my video game
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Randomize
