Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this will be a night to untag.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
