The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i think my cat just said my name.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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