shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize