i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
