you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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