I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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