You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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