Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
