Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
