We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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