we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
