Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
