I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize