So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
