I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
