if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
