Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
