somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
