I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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