i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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