By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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