Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
