It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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