did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
