i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
