Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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