im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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