There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
