So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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