my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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