I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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