clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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