When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
