I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
as a side note pls kill me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
