it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
