I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
