Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
