She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
