Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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