Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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