you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
