I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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