the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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