You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am naked and annoyed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
